Babies and boobies

Breast feeding is not for the weak.


I'm a nurse, educated at a great school with a bachelors degree and even took extra classes on lactation. I once thought I might become a lactation consultant. I could quote to you all the statistics and benefits of breast feeding. You'd think if anyone could breast feed it would be me.

 Then I became a mother. With the birth of each child breast feeding has been very difficult. With my first, *Snap,  I made it a whole three months. With *Crackle, three weeks. And now with *Snot, I'm a week in and already pumping instead of breast feeding. Granted she is still getting the breast milk. But pumping and feeding is a constant merry-go-round of tasks that leave no time for *Snot or my other children.

Honestly for me breast feeding is quite painful. I have seen lactation consultants about it, watched videos, used the creams, done all the "right"stuff. It still hurts. To be graphic, my nipples become cracked and bleeding. Every feeding involves the scabs literally being pulled off. It feels like knives carving my nipples off. It makes me cringe, cry, toes curl, sweat, I can even feel palpitations. It comes to a point when I don't want to feed my child, and those are not healthy thoughts. So I usually give up.

Then come the feelings of inadequacy. I have friends who breast feed like its nothing. They literally don't even make a face. It's just natural. Why can't I have that? Breast feeding is the healthier, cheaper, natural, best thing for mommy and baby. It promotes weight loss, bonding, and all of these awesome things.

I'm still trying. At this point I'm pumping until my nipples heal, then I'm going to try again. Key word try. if not I will continue pumping until time doesn't allow me to.
I think its hard for others who haven't been through this, including men and women, to understand why we sometimes don't do the best thing for ourselves or our children. But until you are in this position who are you to judge? Who was I to judge before I became a mother? I guess the point of this entry is to tell others who might suffer with this like me, that you are not alone. Its okay if you can't do it and its great if you can.