Pre-K jitters

To trust someone to love your baby as much as you do is impossible. As mom to my children all I want for them is to happy, healthy, safe, and loved. If I had my way my arms would be around them at all times, protecting them from everything bad. But then how will they be able to learn to make the right choices? How will they know true love if they have never had their feelings hurt?

As a young woman and even a teenager I had a fear. I feared being infertile. That word stings a little when I say it, because I cannot imagine the pain others who suffer with it feel. I have several friends whose struggle with making their families grow have been very painful.

I didn't have any particular reason to fear not being able to have children, it just arose up in me. When I first got pregnant, without even "trying" I was so excited. Then I had my little *Snap. He's my first. I remember thinking in the delivery room, "wow, he's perfect". Then he was basically still a baby and I became pregnant again. *Crackle came, the beautiful little girl I always wanted. And then *Snot made it into the world to make our family whole.

*BLINK*

Today *Snap had his first day of Pre-K. Now people who are not mothers may not understand what this means, but let me tell you, it hits you like a ton of bricks. For me it's mixed emotions. I'm so happy he is going to be learning constantly, making new friends, having fun. I am terrified he will be hurt or I will miss something while is he is full-time care of another person who can't love him as much as I do. 

One might say, it's not like he's moving away from you, or going to actual school...but for me it's about him growing up. He's no longer a baby, an infant, a toddler. He's a kid. Where did the past 4 years go? Did I prepare him for this transition? Did I cherish the moments I needed to? Will he thrive?