Breadwinner vs bread maker

The Dream
As a child we are told we can be anything we want to be but reality has a different idea of what we are supposed to be. From very young  I learned to work hard, get a degree, and be able to support myself. I did just that and I love what I do. I don't want to just go to work, I genuinely want to make a difference as God has told me this is His plan for me. But is it possible to make a difference in the world and at home? Can I be a mom and have a successful career?

Reality
Many believe as a Christian mother my place is in the home and my choice to work is a sacrifice that causes my family to suffer. I had the opportunity once to be the stay at home mom and let me tell you during that time my family suffered! My hats are off to you moms who do this. Lets just say the experience was not good for my kids, my husband or myself.

God Spoke and I listened
After a lot of prayer, meditation, and study I have found that I don't just have a calling to my children but also to people. Now don't go getting you panties in a wad. I am definitely called to be a mom to my babies. There are uncountable numbers of times when I am at work away from my kids that I don't long to be with them. Protecting them. Raising them. My children are where I invest my prayers, my thoughts, my time, my money, my sleep...everything. And that is okay, that is what I am supposed to do. I am also supposed to be a healer, a nurse, a leader, a beacon for those who are hurt.

How it all fit together
It didn't start off that way. Did I have compassion and love for others when first becoming a nurse? Yes but it grew to so much more. Events in my family lead me to work more out of necessity. It kind of turned the typical Christian family model upside down for a season and there were a lot of struggles and things said. Like "you are the breadwinner", I have come to hate that term, how it is said condescendingly about my husband. It is so disrespectful. To be honest I am not a good "bread maker" and I shouldn't have to choose between the two. I can provide support to my family and be a good mom - at least I think I can.

Webster defines breadwinner as: a person who earns money to support a family.

Um yeah...who wouldn't want to support their family?! And even though Eric may not have been "bringing home the bacon" (another phrase I have come to loath) he was also spending quality time with his children and figuring out where his calling was. Oh yeah, and earning money to support our family, therefore also a breadwinner. During that season we grew and learned a lot about ourselves and each other. The more time I spent "in the trenches" the more I knew I was where I was supposed to be. Then my career became an opportunity to more than just help patients, but witness, to grow, to want to make a difference on a larger level.  I saw my husband that I love dearly suffer the burden of feeling that he had to do it all himself. If we review Proverbs 31 it says we as women in our home should also be breadwinners. It is not solely on our husbands.

The challenge
But boy is it hard. So much work, so little time. Being pulled different directions in this internal battle of mom versus work. Its emotional and its a thin, thin line. Walking this tightrope we call life is not for the weak. Thank God for Grace! The smallest breeze is used to push me off balance threatening to make me fall. But there is a safety net that will bounce my back up if I land right. If I keep my eyes on the goal, the land on the other end of this ravine, and I rely on God I can not only tiptoe myself to it but I can carry my kids and all the suffering people God allows with me.