My lesson on losing control

I have been on a blogging hiatus, partly because of my netbook becoming senile and partly because I have been so stinking busy. Alas, I have a new computer! And I am working on making some personal resolutions, one including not being so busy. There are some more resolutions but I will save them for another entry.



To preface todays entry I will make some honest and maybe considered bold statements.
My kids are perfect. As least I think so. They are beautiful in appearance, intelligent, kind, and perfect. So when someone questions their perfection I tend to feel a loss of control. That is a feeling I don't like.  Frankly, I act a little insane when someone takes away my control over my children. Whether you see it on my face or if I am just going insane inside my head...

It started when I noticed this spot on top of Snap's foot. My first born, perfect little boy. I watched it, studied it, and couldn't figure out what it was.
control slowing slipping from my grasp as this time
I took him to the doctor after it had been there roughly 3 weeks. The doctor looks at me and says he has no clue what it is, and we should see a specialist.
grasping for the control which is now just beyond my finger tips
We had to wait another 3 weeks to see a dermatologist. No big deal, being the nurse I am, I prepared for the worst which would be a biopsy. Once the appointment arrives, the dreaded biopsy has to happen. The PA then tells me that he is pretty sure what it is and that it's sometimes associated with diabetes and thyroid disease. At this point Eric sees tears form in my eyes, I keep my composure, but on the inside I a freaking out a little.
I see control in the distance and am running frantically towards it
We wait for the biopsy results. I do my own research on the probable diagnosis, it doesn't seem that bad. Occurrences of the long term, life-changing diagnoses associated with the skin condition are rare from what I read.
Calm down, I have God, I don't need control, I think, right?
One Friday, at work the dermatologist calls me with results, and I quote "The biopsy came back positive for Granuloma Annulare which is consistent with Diabetes, he should tested immediately by your pediatrician and will discuss our results in further detail at your next appointment."
Consistent with !? Yeah, I broke down a little, not going to lie. Oh and the pediatrician said "no big deal, we will see you monday", NO BIG DEAL!! What is wrong with these people?!
I have no control, none, none, none, OMG! pulling my hair out!
I go to church on Saturday (Eric was out of town) and one of the most touching things that has ever happened to me happened that Sabbath. After worship singing one of my favorite worship songs, I Give Myself Away (for my white christian friends you HAVE to look this one up, you probably have never heard of it, but its amazing!) I was pretty emotional, just trying to give myself, my control, my problems to God.  My preacher (I don't like calling him that, he's really just a friend, Calvin) Calvin called me up to the front of the sanctuary. He prayed and blessed my son, with the rest of the congregation joining in with their prayers spoken aloud for all to hear. Some of whom probably only know me as the white girl with the cute kids. But in that moment, I felt so truly blessed and overwhelmed with the support of my church family. I began crying, like ugly-red faced-only do in private because people won't talk to you ever again cry. They probably thought he was being diagnosed with cancer or something, but even though diabetes is not cancer, it is still nothing I would ever wish on a child. Life long pokes and pricks, no treats like the other kids, life altering and often times dangerous. The whole experience was very moving and really helped me learn
what I think God was trying to show me. I have no control. Only He does.
So God is in control. God is in control? God is in control!

Monday we go to the pediatrician, they order lab work,
 I take Snap to the lab and he gets stuck. Then he tells me "I want chips and white cheese, with red sauce, quesadilla, rice, and tea (s)", so I take him to eat Mexican. (Just had to add that in, where do 3 year olds get this stuff!?)
He was so strong through all of this.
Yeah he cried during the biopsy and during the sticks, but no tears.


A couple of days later we get the lab results. NORMAL. All of them. Now some of you can say that he was fine the whole time and the doctors were just trying to suck money out of me (and they did). But I say doctors think they know everything, but only God does know everything. And I sincerely believe that God made his tests normal. Maybe He was trying to teach me that He is in control, of even my own children. Because even my own children are not my own, they are His. Our words are powerful, God has given us power in our words, and we can bless people with them, and a few very amazing people blessed my son with them... not just at church but family and friends as well.
                                                        I will always be thankful for that.