The Green Side

Superhero movies are very popular right now. It’s easy to pick your favorite. Maybe you are a Iron Man fan or, like me, prefer Captain America. DC did an amazing job with Wonder Woman, though Superman always brings a smile to my face.

Any fans of the Hulk out there? Probably some. The Incredible Hulk has a special place in my heart because I live with him. He is short fused. He can explode. He is misunderstood. He is kind. He has the biggest heart. He’s a working progress but he is capable of being a superhero. 

My son has never been easy. He never slept as an infant. He was a biter in daycare. Once we started school we quickly became close with the front office staff and principal at his school. It just took one bad instance. Maybe someone destroyed his lego masterpiece. Or maybe he didn’t sleep well the night before. It could have been a hot day and we made him wear shorts instead of the pants and long sleeves he typically insists on wearing. Maybe he had to wear different shoes than normal because his others weren’t dry after getting muddy the day before. Or there’s a tag, seam, button, a new hole the size of a pen tip causing the down slide. Let’s hope there isn’t a substitute teacher today, that almost always ends badly. 

Four years of recurrent calls with bad news from the school will make you dread seeing that number come on the screen of your phone. You instantly tense up, pray, and try to keep you composure as someone tells you what happened today. In these years we have learned so much: 

• A good teacher can be the saving grace to your child.  
• Constant communication with the school is essential. 
• Siblings are so different from each other.
• Milestone tests are the most absurd thing that ever existed. 
• You can be suspended in kindergarten. <been there, done that, got 3 tshirts that year
• You learn to wear many hats in addition to parent: tutor, advocate.
• Getting a prescription for ADHD meds is as easy as ordering takeout.

When you have a child like him you hear all kinds of things:

Family will say “let him stay with us a few days and we can fix him”

Teachers and other parents think he just needs more discipline at home, “he just needs a good spanking”  <that’s a hilarious one! 

Others say “he’s just being a boy”

Or “what kind of trauma has happened to him?”

Teachers saying “he may just need to be on medicine”

He doesn’t fit in the typical student box. He is truly gifted. He gets very advanced scores in math. He struggles most in reading and writing. He has good days but they get overshadowed by the bad ones. Medication is prescribed for his 1 out of 5 day bad behavior and causes gynomastia (development of breasts in males), weight loss (lord that boy can’t afford to lose a single pound!), and many other side effects. 

He explodes then is immediately remorseful. A lot of times he faces a difficult task and immediately shuts down in defeat then acts out. He can be disruptive at times but he can also lead a group activity. He’s very logical and literal. He has a reputation with other kids for getting mad and it hurts his feelings so much so that he cries. Other kids like to set him off on purpose because it’s funny. He isn’t autistic or have a disability so he doesn’t qualify for additional help in school but definitely needs some support. 

I have lost friends who are teachers and describe “monsters” like my child. I have gotten into arguments with family members. Bit my tongue too many times to count. We have disciplined any way you can imagine. Name it, we have tried it. We reward good days and give consequences for the bad ones. I have prayed with him, over him, around him, anointed him.

To the teachers of little green Hulks, know that he is good. Don’t give up on him. Know that he can be a superhero. Know that he is unconditionally loved. Get to know him and talk to his parents. He senses when you don’t like him, so try to hide your dislike. Learn the tics and how to intervene before escalation. And for the good ones, thank you for helping him succeed. You are the angels I pray for every night.

To everyone else that see little green Hulks and think you have the answer, know that you don’t. Know that you only see a snapshot of his life. Know that your judgment only teaches your child to judge others like him instead of befriending and maybe helping him with their kindness. Know that he is someone’s child, someone’s superhero.

To those who see my little man for the amazing child he is, thank you. Thank you to those who walk with me through these challenges. Thank you to those that see us passing and offer encouragement. Thank you to those who aren’t afraid to let your child play with him. Thank you to those who have been praying with me. 

See the good in people. See the hero, not the green side.