Easy Way Out

I saw a post last week about the “easy way out” and it’s really got me thinking, how can someone know if weight loss surgery is the easy way out if they haven’t been through it? It’s anything but easy. These past few weeks have been truly the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. It reminds me of childbirth, except longer and as a result I get me as a gift. A healthier and God willing longer living me. I thought I was prepared for this thought from others but it bothers me more than I’d like to admit. 

The surgery is a tool to use in aiding weight loss. I’m learning how to use it. I don’t think the hard part is over. I’m not sure if it will ever be. I still have to watch every thing I put in my mouth. Every bite. I still have to work out. I still have to do all the things I was supposed to be doing before I had the surgery. I opted to use this tool. It was the best path for me. If you lost 100 lbs without it, that is awesome! We have chosen different paths to get to the same goal.

Truth is I am an addict. I am going to speak from a place of experience. It’s no different that alcoholism. While I have never been an alcoholic, I have lived with several. My life has revolved around my next meal and how good it was. Regardless of the consequences. Regardless of the calories. Regardless of the price. And every event or meeting or gathering of friends or church or family celebration was centered around food. It brought me short lived gratification and tons of pain, bloating, skin issues, debt, and the beginnings of some very serious, life threatening diseases. It is no ones fault but mine. No one to blame but me. I decided to do something about it.

I made several attempts to diet and failed. I took pills and had scary side affects. I was still active but not enough. I kept a diary of my food. I ate in sadness. I ate in boredom. I ate in celebration. I am a food addict. No pity necessary. I am doing the work required to be the best me I can. I would compare it to rehab. Some folks can kick alcoholism without needing rehab, while other have to have it to get past the DTs and force them to learn life again. I chose the rehab version.

At the end of the day we all want to be loved and recognized for reaching our goals regardless of the path you choose. For me, I know I need friends and family that are supportive. Thank the Lord, I have them. 

I don’t want to be confused with bitterness. I’m not bitter. I am proud. I am open. And I’m living my life the best way I know how. But it’s anything other than the easy way.

I haven’t noticed a big change in my body yet but I feel more “normal” every day. I have noticed my clothes fit slightly different but not too different yet. I’m able to grab something (something small) from the cafeteria or even order something from a restaurant (avocado slices with squished lime at Mexican YUM 🤤).  I’m relearning what my body likes and doesn’t like. My stomach literally talks. I wasn’t prepared for that one. And I’m more present during meals because I have to take more time, which is a nice side affect. The scale really showed dropping numbers for a while but has seemed to slow down. I’m learning this means more water and maybe more calories are needed. My relationship with food is just so different. It’s not my friend. Not my comfort. It’s my fuel.